"毛毛，你一定要記得，你不想生小孩，這不是你的錯"... 這是她當年離開時所說的最後一句話... 我想這是一種埋怨，也是一種了解或原諒，然而這十多年下來，我更感謝這是一個提醒...
今天推薦菲律賓歌手 Freddie Aguilar：Child (1978)
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這首放在歌單裡已經很久了，一直在等待某種"勇氣"重新面對這件事。開學前的同事聚餐再度聊到這個話題，腦海中飄過許多畫面，對於我那"不生小孩"的"罪過"，也對於我的愛情中的"那些女人"，然而每當想起一陣虧欠，這句話總是令我萬分感謝。
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這是兩種不同的生命觀，也是兩個不同世界的對話，無從辯解，不可能有交集，沒有灰色地帶，沒有"議題"可供"商量"，也沒有理解後的"說服"或"同意"，無需"犧牲"或"妥協"，甚至不存在"接受"... 當愛情變成生命問題，我自認無權剝奪一個女人渴望做母親的權利，只有選擇"離開"或"被離開"。殘酷的絕對迎面而來，逼視著殘酷的孤獨，在恭賀好友共組家庭，並興奮期待新生命到來的同時，我獨自面對自己生命的荒謬...
我想起一句話，好像來自電影"西雅圖夜未眠"：生命已經夠辛苦了，愛情不需要勉強...
這首是 Freddie Aguilar 的成名作，原文為 Anak，是菲律賓文"小孩"的意思... 這首歌曾有不少翻唱版本，甚至還有日文版，台灣最常聽到的是鍾鎮濤(阿B)所唱的"妳的影子" (1979)。
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When you were born into this world
Your mom and dad saw a dream fulfilled
A dream come true
The answer to their prayers
You were to them a special child
Gave 'em joy every time you smiled
Each time you cried
They're at your side to care
*Child, you don't know
You'll never know how far they'd go
To give you all their love can give
To see you through, and God it's true
They'd die for you, if they must, to see you live
How many seasons came and went
So many years have now been spent
For time ran fast
And now at last you're strong
Now what has gotten over you
You seem to hate your parents too
Do speak out your mind
Why do you find them wrong
And now your path has gone astray
Child, you ain't sure what to do or say
You're so alone
No friends are on your side
And child, you now break down in tears
Let them drive away your fears
Where must you go
Their arms stay open wide
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